To those of you who left, wherever you are.
I don’t know if you realize this, but you’ve missed a lot since you left.
1. My parents moved out of their home.
They sold everything they had,
and ended up still, in massive debt.
I never told you, but it’s something they’ll never get out of.
It’s mine now.
I will be paying their bills, feeding them, taking care of them until they grow too old to breathe the air.
This is just one burden I have been left to sort.
2. I got diagnosed with a mental illness that is relatively unknown, unexplained, and untreatable.
I suppose this is one of the reasons you left in the first place.
I don’t blame you.
I never will.
It’s not something you chose to deal with,
but what you have to understand is that,
neither did I.
3. And it’s not that I want you to be unhappy.
It’s not that I want to burden you with some of my grief,
it’s just that you should know
what is real and going on,
and know that I was not lying when I said
"There is something wrong with me.`
4. This is not about pity, or retribution.
It’s about the nights that I spent confined to the bathtub.
It’s about the weeks where I couldn’t get out of bed,
and the car crashes,
and dropping out of school.
It’s about giving a reason to things that went too long without.
5. This is about the overdose.
This is about jumping off that bridge,
and that balcony,
and over that edge.
6. This is about moving to a strange place,
and cutting too deep,
and getting too thin,
and spending too much.
This is about changing my hair colour,
and avoiding mirrors,
and writing poetry so personal
that I feel like I am naked, and bleeding
and am ashamed of that.
7. This is about my mother`s attempted suicide
that I never told you about.
This is watching Top Chef together,
and not talking about how much I loved you.
This is sleeping with someone you know,
to dig the knife into your back.
8. This is every friday night at work
where I ordered the wrong dish,
lost my pay-cheque,
and couldn’t pay for electricity.
9. This is waking up so tired you’re dizzy.
This is waking up so empty you’re full.
And this is just a fraction of the things I never told you.
10. My father loved us so much
he went millions into debt.
My mother was so sad
she took all her pills at once.
My sister was so confused
she left her only love.
I am so broken
I may never be fixed.
11. This is my reality,
and I`m glad you left when you did,
because it is only fair.
But I still miss you.
— (2009-2012) Three Years of Ruin
finally got my paper down to 4% plagiarized so safe to say i am done with research papers for the semester.
2010-2012 | by Berber Theunissen
i think about this video almost every day and i am so frightened of it
got this shirt in the mail yesterday and now i’m gonna wear it every single day until i get sick of it
and i cant treat you anything but rough
and i love you but thats not enough
it’s hard for me to let things go. it’s hard for me to let people go.